I'm back... Well this post is to briefly express how i feel to my dearest ex.
Although we're not together anymore, i still left my feelings behind with you. I know I hurt you, my sincere apologies, my deepest regrets. I'm so sorry for what I've done. By hurting you I hurt myself too. I never felt the pain for you, until now. I want you to study so I won't be distracting you any further. I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to intentionally take advantage of your kindness. I really didn't know what I did, until you opened my eyes. I know it's too late to redeem myself. What I did was unforgivable. I don't blame you. But just know that I didn't mean the hurt I've caused. If I ever had a second chance, I'd love you with my whole heart. I'd give you the world, I wanna show you the real me. I don't mean to control you like I did. I was mean, but you have to understand. The kind of family background I have and the hurt of my past relationship caused a very big impact on me. It left a nasty scar in my heart. One I thought would always be left fresh and aching. Only one person knew how to make me forget the wound. You are the only person that let me see my heart a little more clearly. I didn't see perfection in me, but i could swear I saw a lot of perfection in you. Your heart warmed mine, each day, each moment, each minute, each second. I fell deeper for you, but I was scared too. I didn't dare to trust you, not even a little bit. I let my head rule my heart when I was with you each day. I'm sorry... It's my fault... I know blaming myself isn't all that great, but this time it really was me. All these time I kept running away selfishly and blamed everything on you. I really regret everything. I wanna make it up to you. If only you'd let me. Only for a day... Maybe just a moment... Or how about a second? Whichever it is I'd cherish the time. I'd show you I want you. I'll show you I love you. I'd show you how much you mean to me. I'll show you that I can't live without you. You are the one who I want. I want you to be a part of me... Cuz you already are. You filled up the empty place in my heart... If you thought you were a replacement... Darling, you're not... You're worth more than that... Much much more. Even if I don't ever get a chance... I'll be happy enough just to be able to live to see you smile. These may all just be words. But I assure you these words come from the bottom of my heart. It's not a scheme to hurt you again... I wouldn't want to. And if you thought I was using you... You're wrong. If I were using you, I wouldn't cry for you. Why should I waste those tears on just a nobody? If I were using you, I wouldn't go through all the heartbreaks for you. Why would I wanna hurt my own heart, haven't I hurt more then enough? If I were using you, I would never try to let you into my life. I wouldn't get to know your family and embrace and love them... I wouldn't let you get to know my family well and let you get used to them. You're the only person I'd go far for... I'd walk a thousand miles just to get to you. I'd crawl on dirt and gravel just to save you. I want you to know how much I love you and I'm sorry.
P.S: N.S.D'C if you don't like someone you won't visit their blog. LOSERRR!
JAN&JIN ; SEXAYELOVE
6:47 AM
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Going to be15yearsold May27 1993
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